she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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