So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
