Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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