So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
