When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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