Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
