I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is Oprah even human
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
