i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
