are you still at the devil's house?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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