I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
