Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
