It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
