did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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