babies were throwing up all over the place
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
