if i can run in heels then i can drive
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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