meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
