Do you still have your period?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
