Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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