Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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