he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
