32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
