big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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