This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
