Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
