She went from zero to smokin in five shots
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
