end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
