you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
