wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
