I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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