Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
