she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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