Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
