just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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