I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
