U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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