i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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