God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
