so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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