We're facebook friends in real life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
