i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
