There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
