every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
