hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
