They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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