Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
its liver damage thursday
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
