Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
