can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
