fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
