ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
