were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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