When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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