it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
