she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
