We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
