I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
