I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
as a side note pls kill me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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