My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
